For my second album, Pretending, instead of a collection of songs, I wanted to tell a story and feature the newer songs I had written, Pretending by kjbandrather than reaching into my catalog of older songs. My marriage was not going well and the lyrics show an arc of love songs, then quickly of disappointment and disillusionment. The title track describes myself as someone who felt that even when feeling happy, must be only pretending. My friend Rick Klimowics had broken away from Tacher Studios where the first album was recorded and so we recorded this album on his own studio. This time, Rick played all guitars and bass, and we brought back Dave Dionisi on saxophone. Rick got very sick and in fact fell into a coma when we were almost done with the album, and his wife sold his studio out from under him while he was unconscious! I did a couple sessions with the person who bought the studio, who then told me he was going out of business! Finally after several months of asking and waiting, this person finally gave me the hard drive of the computer which contained the music files. One song on the album, Alone, has no drums on it. This is because we searched far and wide and never found the drum tracks that had been previously recorded for this song. As Rick very slowly recovered, I was forced to find someone else who used the same software who could complete the album with me. Work on this album started in 1999, and with all the delays and hassle, was not finished until 2003.

Songs on Album

(click for lyrics)

It’s too much – scares ’em away
It’s too much – sorry can’t stay
It’s too much – can’t you just leave me alone?

Too much of a good thing
I carry inside
Got to let my love out
It just can’t hide

It’s too much – scares ’em away
It’s too much – sorry can’t stay
It’s too much – can’t you just leave me alone?

I’m sorry that I love you
And that you feel this way
Someone else might not
Be so afraid

More than one time burned
But back in the fire again
Thought that I’d have learned
But I can’t help it if I …

Wear my heart on my sleeve
It is yours to take
I wear my heart on my sleeve
It is yours to break

Maybe it’s too soon
Since the last time
To take that chance
But I can’t help it if I …

Wear my heart on my sleeve
It is yours to take
I wear my heart on my sleeve
It is yours to break

But I’ve got a feeling
This time is different
You won’t hurt me, will you?
But I can’t help it if I …

Wear my heart on my sleeve
It is yours to take
I wear my heart on my sleeve
It is yours to break

It’s easy to live just day to day
Not thinking about a thing
Taking it so for granted
All that this life brings

But you make me feel so alive … and I don’t mind at all

There’s no easy answer
Just don’t know the reason why
We get so many chances
In only one lifetime

But you make me feel so alive … and I don’t mind at all

I don’t mind
As long as you are by my side
I don’t mind at all

And so we live life day to day
Doing our best to get by
Enjoying our time together
Trying not to ask why

But you make me feel so alive … and I don’t mind at all

I don’t mind
As long as you are by my side
I don’t mind at all

I moved away
Left this behind
Wanted to have
New things to find

Can’t get away
It’s part of me
Just look around
Everywhere I see

Driving through this town
Looking all around
What was lost
What was found?

Can’t get away
It’s part of me
Just look around
Everywhere I see

Memories
Flood over me
Memories
Everywhere I see

Loves won and lost
Struggles to be free
Finding what it was
Inside of me

Can’t get away
It’s part of me
Just look around
Everywhere I see

Memories
Flood over me
Memories
Everywhere I see

There’s always time to complain
To say ‘What’s wrong with you?’
There’s always time to complain
It’s an easy thing to do

But time
To do
The things that you want to do …

There’s always time to waste
No work, just have some fun
There’s always time to waste
Think of the things you could have done

But time
To do
The things that you want to do …

There’s always time to love
Throw the pettiness away
There’s always time to love
Let it fill up your day

But time
To do
The things that you want to do …

Feeling, I can’t say
Where are the words
Coin a phrase
What are the words

Tired, sad, alone
Busy, stressed, alive
Which ones to pick
What are the words

Labels
Labels
Labels, that’s all

Hopeful, hurt, hard
Patient, bored, confused
They’re all just words
Live your life

Labels
Labels
Labels, live your life

All of us, we are alone
No matter the people all around
All of us, we are alone
The peace within it must be found

It’s easier said than done
Sounds so good in a song
It’s easier said than done

Can’t be afraid to be alone
It’s where we start and where we end
Every moment, you’re alone
That’s why it’s nice to have a friend

It’s easier said than done
Sounds so good in a song
It’s easier said than done

I want to be left alone
You want me to be with you
Where is the reason in this rhyme
What is it that we should do?

It’s easier said than done
Sounds so good in a song
It’s easier said than done

All settled in
This is my life
This is my work
This is my wife

Wanting to feel it
Wanting to be
Remember what it was
Wanting to feel it
Wanting to be
Remember what it was

It doesn’t matter
What’s in the past
Shouldn’t those feelings
Last and last?

Wanting to feel it
Wanting to be
Remember what it was
Wanting to feel it
Wanting to be
Remember what it was

Where can I find them
Are they there
Or should I look
Elsewhere?

Wanting to feel it
Wanting to be
Remember what it was
Wanting to feel it
Wanting to be
Remember what it was

Silent for so long
Don’t know what is wrong
I want to shout, I want to cry
But I don’t even try

Wanting it to be all right
Trying hard, with all my might
Wanting it to be all right
Trying hard, with all my might

Convinced that it’s much too late
To change things now, call it fate
All I want is to find
A pleasant way to pass the time

Wanting it to be all right
Trying hard, with all my might
Wanting it to be all right
Trying hard, with all my might

But there’s got to be a way
To open up, and have my say
Imagine that, maybe she
Can be the one to set me free

Wanting it to be all right
Trying hard, with all my might
Wanting it to be all right
Trying hard, with all my might

When I see you smile so bright
It really lights me up
Music, laughter, happy times
I try to fill my cup

Surround me with these things I like
Try to make it real
Yes, this must be happiness
That I feel

Pretending, I’m pretending
Pretending

Sleepwalking through this life
Oblivious to all
Not trusting what I feel
Built up, to take a fall

Fleeting moments, pleasures, fun
Enjoy them while you can
Once they’re over I return
To who I really am

A Pretender, I’m pretending
Pretending

Clinging to those things
That make me feel alive
Can’t just live a simple life
For more, I must strive

Pin down the moment
Give it a name
These things you are feeling
They’re all the same

Pretending, I’m pretending
Pretending

Look at the big picture
Think of it as a line
Flowing from the beginning
Until the end of time

See what you are doing
How does it all fit
Reaching an understanding
Not knowing if it

Means enough to justify
All of these questions why

What you are going through
Is such a small part
Of the whole you are creating
So don’t even try to start

To justify
All of these questions why

Always try to keep it
In the back of your mind
Through all of the confusion
The peace when you find

You don’t have to justify
All of these questions why

Working, working, fingers to the bone
Can’t quite seem to leave the dream alone
Searching, searching, looking for the day
When my hard work will finally pay

Everybody has a dream they hold
It’s not something that is bought or sold
It is what makes you feel alive
Without dreams how can we survive?

Looking, looking, for the day to come
I know that it might seem strange to some
Trying, trying, to make it real
Never want to stop the way I feel

Everybody has a dream they hold
It’s not something that is bought or sold
It is what makes you feel alive
Without dreams how can we survive?

Dying, dying, a little every day
Slowly the dream starts to slip away
Draining, draining, life’s energy
I hope this never happens to me

Everybody has a dream they hold
It’s not something that is bought or sold
It is what makes you feel alive
Without dreams how can we survive?

Ken Johnston – published by kjband music (BMI) 2003