Years before recording started on my third album, First Love, I had picked the songs for the album. After recording mostly older songs on my first album, then going with new songs for my second, I realized that I had written many beautiful love songs when I was in my twenties that deserved to be recorded. They were written about the love of my life, Carolyn Moses. I had been Carolyn’s first love, and the 14 songs on this album establish my romantic character, and tell this love story of girl meets boy, boy and girl fall in love, they endure a long distance relationship, but then ultimately break up. I wanted this album to be in the unplugged style and to use acoustic piano. Rick had recovered and built a new studio and was happy to get another chance to make an album with me. Dave Dionisi again played saxophone and flute, and I recruited some excellent young string players. After multiple lead singers on the first two albums, I wanted only one lead singer on the third album and Claudio Guilino was the perfect choice to bring this emotional set of songs to life.
As I was finishing this album, I had finally decided to leave my marriage. I had kept in token contact with Carolyn, calling every few years, and writing letters here and there. She had cut off communication (as I was a married man) seven years before, but I still wrote her a letter every year and sent it to her on her birthday. Obviously, for me, that flame had never completely gone out. Carolyn finally wrote me back that year and we re-connected right as the completing touches were being made on the album. I shared it with her one night, and some songs she remembered from back in the day, and others were love songs written more than 20 years before, and only delivered after all that time had passed. This historic album helped us get back together. Work on this album started on 2004 and was completed in late 2006.
Songs on Album
(click for lyrics)
They Love Him Back at Home
He travels off, to live alone
Far away in a big new town
But thing’s aren’t so easy, with no one to lean on
And friends so very hard to find
But on he struggles, as always he will
To live through his life and satisfy all the needs
Oh how he tries
They love him back at home
They love him back at home
They love him back at home
The story is strange for this quiet young man
Who needs so much but’s too shy to try
He looks to the future with his plans and high hopes
And back home at love with tears in his eyes
But on he struggles, as always he will
To live through his life and satisfy all the needs
Oh how he tries
They love him back at home
They love him back at home
They love him back at home
Understand Me
What did I say?
What did I do?
How come you just don’t understand?
Don’t get me wrong
I only mean well
All I want is to be your friend
Why is it different?
Have you changed or me?
How come you just don’t understand?
I don’t care anymore
It’s all up to you
I’m here if you want me to be your friend
I hope you still want me
I really need friends
I need to have someone understand
I need to have someone understand
The Window
I look out at all that I see
The world passes by my feet
I walk with it faithfully
Eager to see what I see
Through the window
Look through the window
I absorb all of this that I see
A part of me it becomes
Reflections in the glass
Inside and out of my window
Look through the window
The window
I worry about what I see
If it’s blurry or if it’s clear
Does this feel wrong or right?
How can I trust just this window?
I am a window
A window
My Hope
I haven’t known you for very long
But here I am writing you a song
Getting carried away, pushing things too far
It doesn’t even matter who you are
My fancy mingles with what is real
Trying to figure out just how I feel
Always searching, but never so sure
Could you be the one that I’m looking for?
You, you’re my hope
A player in the game, I can’t seem to win
You, you’re my hope
Come play in my game, oh how I need to win!
Winning or losing, still on I play
I need to think that maybe some day
Dreams and love will match and I’ll be happy
Could you be the one to bring this to me?
You, you’re my hope
A player in the game, I can’t seem to win
You, you’re my hope
Come play in my game, oh how I need to win!
Give and Take
Some give and take (some give and take)
Some give and take is all we need to get us through this time
‘Cause you’re so far away
How can I expect us to stay
True to our feelings
When they’re so hard to see?
I’ll let you help (I’ll let you help)
I’ll let you help
Let you help me to see myself
Even if you’re far away
Doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t stay
True to my feelings
Keep helping me to see
Some give and take (some give and take)
Some give and take is all we need to get us through this time
It’s Getting Better
I used to spend a lot of time
Chasing the blues away
Running away from my mistakes
Hiding inside myself
But I know it’s getting better
I know it’s getting better
Those days seem so far away
Things have really changed
Now I am in control
My confidence grows
And I know it’s getting better
I know it’s getting better
Now since I’ve met you
I will never be alone
After all this wandering
I have finally found a home
And I know it’s getting better
I know it’s getting better
What I Feel
I don’t think I have that much to say
Though things are changing every day
Afraid that it’s all been said before
How many ways can you say I love you
Or that I’ve been doing fine
Before the words start getting tired?
I won’t worry this time
If I’m being too sentimental
I’ll just write what I feel
I’m crazy about my girl
And she really loves me
She makes me so very happy
Things are really going my way
That was really very easy
So why do I always make a fuss?
I’m just saying what I feel
I’m crazy about my girl
And she really loves me
She makes me so very happy
Things are really going my way
Trial Separation
Nothing to do
So I call you
It’s what I do every day
It feels good
‘Cause it’s understood
Our love is something that will stay
Sometimes it seems
We’re living a dream
Knowing that our love is strong
If we don’t agree
Perfectly
We think something’s really wrong
We have got to settle down
And take some time to look at our lives
I think if we look around
It won’t be too much of a surprise to see
That we’re not perfect
And sometimes we’ll fight
But if we work at it
Things’ll be all right
It’ll be great
So I can’t wait
Until I see you again
We’ll have thought
An awful lot
And both of us will know by then
We have got to settle down
And take some time to look at our lives
I think if we look around
It won’t be too much of a surprise to see
That we’re not perfect
And sometimes we’ll fight
But if we work at it
Things’ll be all right
Two Lives
I’m getting used to being away
Far away from you
It’s almost like I live two lives
My own and my life with you
When I’m with you I’m carried away
All I see is you
Almost forgetting that I’ve got
A life apart from you
It’s not worth my going away
To spend more time on me
Next time I’m home I’m home for good
And my two lives will be like one
Unhealthy Excess
Why not tonight?
Tomorrow too?
There’s never enough
Time spent with you
Maybe I’m selfish
Yes, you are right
Maybe I’m selfish
Yes, you are right
Is it so wrong
To want you so much?
My heart aches
For yours to touch
Maybe I’m selfish
Yes, you are right
Maybe I’m selfish
Yes, you are right
I’m always sorry (sorry for something)
I’m always sorry (sorry for something)
I’m always sorry (sorry for something)
What a strange problem
Can it be true?
Unhealthy excess
Too in love with you
Maybe I’m selfish
Yes, you are right
Maybe I’m selfish
Yes, you are right
I’m always sorry (sorry for something)
I’m always sorry (sorry for something)
I’m always sorry (sorry for something)
No Choice Left
Born too early
Or you too late
No choice left
But to wait
I know you can’t learn from my mistakes
You have to make your own
I know you have to find your own life
Before you can join with mine
I know I have to let you go
Before I can really hold you
Hold you
Hold you
I am ready
To settle down with you
But I know
You’ll do what you have to do
I know you can’t learn from my mistakes
You have to make your own
I know you have to find your own life
Before you can join with mine
I know I have to let you go
Before I can really hold you
Hold you
Hold you
Let You Go
I have to let you go
I have to let you go
I have to let you go – ’cause
I don’t want to lose you
I don’t want to lose you
I don’t want to lose you
You need to take this time
Make it on your own
I hope that when you’ve had you’re time
You’ll come home – home to me
I have to let you go
I have to let you go
I have to let you go – ’cause
I don’t want to lose you
I don’t want to lose you
I don’t want to lose you
It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done
But I have to
I hope that when you’ve had you’re time
You’ll come home – home to me
Late At Night
Walking alone late at night
Holding the letter tight
Hoping that when you receive it you’ll be
Wanting to come back to me
Wondering alone late at night
Dreaming that I’ll hold you tight
Hoping that next time I see you you’ll be
Wanting to come back to me
Worrying alone late at night
Thinking that maybe you might
Never want to come back to me
Maybe you want to be free
Who’d Have Ever Thought?
It took me way too long
To figure things out
To finally see
That you were gone
Who’d have ever thought that this would happen?
Who’d have ever thought it would end this way?
Who’d have ever thought?
It is very strange
Not to feel that
Steady reassuring warmth
Even from afar
Who’d have ever thought that this would happen?
Who’d have ever thought it would end this way?
Who’d have ever thought?
I hope I don’t have to get used to it
I hope I don’t have to get used to it
I hope I don’t have to get used to it
I hope I don’t have to get used to it (being alone)
I hope I don’t have to get used to it (not having someone)
I hope I don’t have to get used to it
All songs by Ken Johnston